The hardest thing to do is say goodbye. Especially if you have a debilitating speech impediment.
The only one who can tell you what’s right is you. And those creepy voices in your head.
No one respected Kyle, and just because he was gay. And also he was an arsonist.
“I’m going to jump!” she screamed. I grabbed her hand and she turned around. As our eyes locked, she whispered, “Oh Jack, I love you too much.” But as she stepped away from the ledge, she suddenly slipped. Damn narcolepsy.
The pig snorted on me. It was so adorable that I had to giggle. But when he did it a second time, I ate him.
Just be yourself. Unless you're a dick. If you're a dick then be someone who's not a dick.
The man slapped me with the back of his hand, so I slapped him with my knife. He wasn't as tough as he looked.
She was about to be lowered into the lava, but I really wanted to finish my sub.
I like it when it’s too cold as opposed to when it’s too hot, because when it’s cold you can just keep putting on more clothes, but when it’s hot there are only so many clothes you can take off before you get arrested.
I think Brian has touched all our hearts. And his drugging us and operating on our hearts while we sleep can’t be tolerated any longer.
I tried to throw my sword in the garbage, but it just split it in half. So I gave it to the garbage man, but it just split him in half.
When I don't have any plans on the weekend, I practice guitar a lot. ... I'm going to be Jimi Hendrix.
On the outside, I might look fine. But on the inside, it really hurts. Because my appendix just burst.
For the longest time I thought "oral sex" meant phone sex until somebody told me you could get an STD from it.
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